Update: The following happened to Dave (not Holly). We apologize for the confusion. :)

This last Sunday, after unloading our girls, diaper bags, manuals, scriptures, and kitchen sinks from the car and heading into our local chapel (Right on time, of course! And by “right on time,” I mean “20 minutes late.”), I paid a quick visit to the men’s restroom.

As I was leaving (still in the doorway), a fellow church-goer passed in front of me, moving quickly. I took a step back and to the left in an effort to avoid a collision. In doing so, I unknowingly hooked one of my back pockets onto the claw-like handle of a drawer that was built into the hallway wall—just to the left to the restroom door. I began to walk away (in my memory, this next part happens in slow-motion) and the inevitable ripping sound followed. I stopped. One of my eyes twitched involuntarily. I felt a light breeze on the back of my legs, that under normal circumstances, would have been refreshing, but in these abnormal circumstances, was most certainly not.

Questions raced through my mind. Who puts a drawer in a chapel hallway? Right by a bathroom? Who uses this drawer? What on earth is in it? Does the Bishop ever pause in the middle of an early-morning meeting and say, “Now, where did we put those files?” and then hear his Executive Secretary respond, “Oh, they’re in the hallway drawer. You know, the one by the bathroom. With the claw-like handle.”

When he was drawing up the plans, did the architect of this chapel foresee me, years later, standing there, pale-faced and ventilated, in his corridor of shame and laugh maniacally? I’ll bet he did.

I covered my back-side with a church manual, shuffled out of the building, drove home, and changed pants. Did I return to church that day? Yes. Did I return with dignity? No. No, I did not.

  1. Tracy

    Thanks for the laugh Dave!! Oh, I mean, gosh, I’m so sorry that happened to you… how horrible!!!

  2. Holly

    oh dave, i love you. you make me laugh at you and with you.

    and i can attest to the handle in the hallway, i did happen to notice it after dave’s little episode. not very “claw-like” if you ask me.

    best of all, i think the 14 year-old girls in our sunday school class really liked the story. the story was probably repeated three times as they trickled into class and all of them said, and i quote, “a drawer handle?!?”

    they were most incredulous.

  3. Brooke

    oh dave! cue me cracking up out loud…

    my question: is holly homemaker herself going to sew the pants?

  4. David

    Dave–the best part of that blog is I didn’t see it was you until I read this comments. The whole time I read it I read it in Holly’s voice and was imagining her. Naturally, I was confused from the beginning as to why she was in the men’s restroom and what possibly could have ripped on her skirt. That is funny! Can’t wait to see this so called claw handle. I can’t even imagine where it is…

  5. Beth

    I thought the same thing – that it was Holly! And I thought she was embarassed because she went into the men’s restroom. But then, Dave, You had me laughing out loud in a under-the-breath sort of way!

  6. carol

    Dave you had me laughing so hard..sorry:) I’ll have to checkout “The Claw” (as in any horror movie or Toy Story) when we are there next Sunday.

  7. the mccoy's

    that is so hilarious. when i first read it, i thought it was holly. especially when i read her coming out of the mens room. then the tear and rip, i was so mortified for her. great embarrasing story. thanks for the laugh.

  8. James

    I was also in the “I thought it was Holly” crowd at first. It was fun to go back through the story with Dave the second time through. I think we all need to see a picture of this “claw-like” handle posted on the blog, yes?

  9. courtneyb

    oh how I wish I was there!


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